Bloody Hell

I don't even know how to start this story, so I'll just hop right in. I get myself in the worst fixes that way. If you ever hear me say, "There's only one way to find out!" or "How bad can it be?" just do yourself a favor and RUN. But I'm sure my story will come out fine, right?! Here goes:

I had a dentist appointment this morning, so I left work early. Luckily, my dentist is near a Goodwill, and it is also near a blood donation center. I have been wanting to give blood for a while. I used to do it, but it always made me queasy and lightheaded, and so I stopped. But blood donations kept my mother alive for a while, and I've been wanting to donate. Just a note for my Korea/Europe friends: living in Songtan will not disqualify you to donate blood products when you are back in the U.S., but some European locations may. I think it has something to do with those anemic Brits, but I don't know for sure. Also, there are some new creepy diseases to watch out for, like Chagras and Babesiosis (which I bet is not NEARLY as fun as it sounds).

After fortifying myself with a 7-11 Coke Slurpee and my beloved sea salt and pepper Kettle Chips (no FTC disclosure needed, this post is not sponsored by 7-11, Coke, or Kettle, though I would dearly love it to be!) I went into the blood center. I hadn't been for quite some time, so it took them a while to dig me up in the computer. When they found me, my birthday was off by a year, on the old side. This made the volunteer at the desk nervous that she had the wrong person, and while she was performing another records search, I recalled why the date was wrong.

See, I was a year younger than the rest of my high school class, and was thus not quite old enough to donate when the bloodmobile came around, so I just moved my birthday back one year. When I was regularly donating, I could remember that I had lied and so would just tell them the fake date that matched their data, so it wasn't an issue. I decided the time had come to 'fess up, so I told her the truth. Well, she thought that was so funny that she told the whole staff and they all thought it was so cute that I had wanted to donate so badly that I had lied about my birthday. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I did it for the extra credit, which I desperately needed. This will probably not shock you, but I was not the most industrious student in high school, though I was enormously talented at bootlegging animal beer. This post is also not sponsored by Schmidt, though I would dearly love it to be (CALL ME; I accept beer in lieu of cash!)

Then, they asked where I had gone to school, and when I admitted that I had gone to Auburn High, they told me that to this day, good old AHS has the best turnout for high school blood donors in the entire Puget Sound. I know they must think it's because Auburn's teenage citizens are the most civic-minded, generous, plump-veined kids in all of South King County. Sadly, though, unless things have changed significantly in the ever-so-brief period since I left, I'm pretty sure it's just because AHS is the home of the kids that need the most extra credit. And cheap beer.

I did get several compliments on my nice plump Auburn veins. I often do, they are quite appealing to a certain segment of the population. Funny, no one ever mentions my stunning looks, my brilliant conversation or my charming personality. Oh, well, I'll take what I can get, I guess. And guess what? The whole time they were sucking my blood, I felt perfectly fine.