Road Trip

Remember those awesome road trips you used to do? Southern Cal or Baja for spring break in a ratty old car and three or four of your closest friends, or whatever people you could find in the commons that had gas money and a bag of day old bread? Or those pre-kid weekends when you might take a leisurely cruise around the state, checking out the fall foliage and antiquing? Or go on a wine-tasting getaway? Oh, those were good times.

I was pretty sure all those great adventures were behind me, but Lloyd still thinks packing up the car and hitting the road is super fun. Last week, he convinced me we should go to a neighboring state, just for overnight. Really? I said, are you SURE? I said. Multiple tanks of gas, hours in the car? Will it REALLY be worth it? We could stay home and lay on the couch! But no, he was not to be dissuaded. I'll do all the packing, he said. You can just sit and read in the car; it will be relaxing! I have a hotel reserved and everything!

When I came home from work, he had the house clean, the boys in their pajamas ready to ride into the night, and a bag of snacks. 'All packed!' he announced. 'You just have to get some clothes for yourself.' Further investigation revealed that our definitions of 'all packed' do not jibe. We DID have a curling barbell and a hand squeezing device, as well as fourteen stuffed animals, two baby dolls and a lightsaber, but no toothbrushes. Also, as it turned out, no bleach.

I swallowed my misgivings, along with some anxiety meds, and off we went. The boys are good travelers, and didn't squeal too much about how far it was. We had PB&Js for dinner and arrived at our destination well past bedtime, and pulled into the hotel parking lot. I'm not picky, you guys all know that, right? I'm not any kind of a germophobe- my kids roll around in the dirt with dogs, eat things off the floor, and throw boogers at each other, and I don't care. So believe me when I say this was a disgusting, filth-ridden hole. Lloyd actually called me a snob, can you believe that? I am so not a snob, pardon me if I don't want my kids touching bedspreads that haven't been washed in two years. They almost gave me a heart attack- dragging their dental floss across there, dropping food on the bed or floor and then trying to eat it. It must be EXHAUSTING to be one of those people who cares about crap like that all the time, and not just when you inadvertently find yourself at a scabies infested crack den.

We apparently managed to get out of there with our immune systems intact, at least as far as my knowledge of incubation periods is concerned, and proceeded to enjoy a tour of the wilds of Idaho. The skies were blue, which was a nice change, and the fall colors were out in full glory, but I am going to close with one thing I know for sure*: in a head-to-head relaxation competition my couch would definitely kick the oil-dripping, ear-splitting, milk-spattered, crumb-ridden mini-van's ass, hands down.

*not to go all Oprah on you here