Humiliation in absentia

So! Who's up for a good embarrassing kid story???? I've been humiliated in church before: you can read about it here. But today, I hit the benchmark for efficiency in mortification- I had my ass handed to me in front of the whole congregation, and I WASN'T EVEN THERE!

I didn't want to go to church today. Lloyd was annoyed with me, and we briefly bickered about it while Weston taped 'NO FITNG' signs to Henry the cat and Ranger the dog (seen here and here). Then Lloyd and and the boys went off to church and I lounged around in my underwear. Church problem solved, right? NOT SO FAST, MISSY! Because when Lloyd returned from church, he brought with him the most hilarious and embarrassing church story EVER.

Weston, who has always been a timid child, often will not speak up, even when someone talks directly to him. The church we've been going to has children's church up front at the beginning of every service, and he has been getting used to going up there but is still quite introverted. Shane, on the other hand, climbs right up on the benches up there and zooms around like he's flying, complete with sound effects, until someone scoops him off. This morning, the children's pastor was telling some little homily about how sometimes bad things can happen, and Weston chose that very second to pipe up. In front of the deadly quiet chapel he loudly contributed this little gem: "My mom and dad were fighting this morning because my mom didn't want to come to church!" According to Lloyd, the pastor said hastily, "Let's pray!" and then marched all the kids off without a backward glance.

I have never been so glad to have skipped something in my entire life. Maybe next week Lloyd will stay home with me.