Q: I'm confused...do I put my wine under a table or next to the couch?
A: YES! Wine should be stashed throughout your house. I also recommend a healthy supply of wine boxes in the freezer. These can be used to treat minor injuries before being ingested. Then, you can use another one to soothe your aching head if you were foolish enough to run out of Excedrin.
And, a reminder: while wine should be placed next to couches, beds, and other large objects, people and pets should always go under a sturdy desk or table or other object as soon as any shaking is felt. Drop, cover and hold on or suffer the wrath of plate tectonics.