Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
I was none too pleased to find it under the tree this year, though. And not because I've outgrown questionable financial practices, either. Nope, it all has to do with my outrageous vanity. See, Weston has been regularly kicking my ass at chess for quite some time and the last thing I need is another avenue for a vigorous thrashing at the hands of a seven year old. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't fall for the bathroom scheme, too. The truth is, I haven't been able to trick him for at least a year and a half.
So I had to develop a new strategy: now I pour a giant glass of wine, hide some extra in the bathroom, and see how fast I can blow through those colorful bills in pursuit of blissful bankruptcy.
Do you guys care if I talk about squirrels now? I'm super tired of talking about Monopoly. The squirrel thing is kind of gross, though. First you have to read this article in today's Seattle Times about an urban squirrel harvester. She sounds a little nuts, but it's an intriguing idea. Read the comments, too- they are hilarious. There seems to be an aversion to chowing down on cute food sources. I don't know why; once you cut the face off the meat all looks the same, right? Also, it reminded me of this awesome post on eating dog by Ask A Korean. I don't care what you think of eating dogs, that post is pure brilliance.
Because I am slightly demented, I was intrigued by the methods by which you could dispatch the squirrels, but I will spare you all the gory details. After some lengthy and very interesting discussion, it became apparent that I would be less than successful should the necessity or opportunity for squirrel killing arise. It's unfortunate, too, because I'm not a girl to miss many meals, which makes me a fan of having a robust food reserve. Oh well, there's always those tasty and attractive slugs! In fact, I would eat a whole sack of those slimy things if it would get me out of this Godforsaken game. A girl can dream, you know.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
The clouds started to lift about mid-morning and we packed up and headed to Elkville. Lloyd mocked me for toting along a huge backpack filled with food, water, antibiotics, rappelling gear and a rubber raft, but I've been out in the woods with him before. I'll write about it someday, after I'm over the PTSD, but for now just remember that if we are ever out triangulating together and I tell you to move your compass away from the truck before you get your bearing because the needle is pointing straight at the engine block, you should listen to me.
Moving on, because I'm starting to twitch and my medication is in the backpack: check out the pictures! We traversed some twisty logging roads that went high, high into some steep terrain. In fact, it was so twisty, high and steep that Shane commented, 'I would be damn scared if I had to walk all the way up here.' Four, people. He is FOUR. My mother is rolling over in her handcrafted artisan urn right this very second. There were no actual elk, but Lloyd was thrilled to see the piles of droppings. Personally, when it comes to elk poop, I can take it or leave it, but live and let live, I always say! There were also tons of birds and some very cool rocks.
I hope you all have a fantastic Christmas! As for me, I can hardly wait for Lloyd to plunge his hand into his stocking on Christmas morning.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
You know, I'm not a fan of resolutions. But the end of the year is coming and something happened at work last week that made me think that perhaps I need to step up my game. A couple of my friends/co-workers vexed me past my limit, and I vowed revenge, only to get a note that said this: "Eh, scary. About like being threatened by Snow White or a chipmunk." Obviously, this will not do. Seriously, a chipmunk?? A wolverine, fine. A bobcat, even. But a chipmunk or some nancygirl princess that waits around for some stupid prince to save her bacon? Definitely NOT. Oh, and yes, I know, that's a picture of a squirrel. I don't HAVE any chipmunk pictures. So sue me.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Here are some pictures, just for funsies. The one from the Fallen Firefighter's Memorial that was supposed to go with the Timmy Stackpole post, along with one of the memorial itself. The flag one is a 9-11 memorial modeled on the flag-raising photo that everyone loves so much. Sorry they were taken in the dark but that's pretty much my only option, since I am EVER SO BUSY learning all day long.
This place is weird, you guys. Do any of you remember college? I kind of do. It's sort of like that, only not quite so much fun. Ratty dorm room? Check? Dining hall food? Check. Alcohol and explosives restrictions? Check. Actually, now that I think about it, it bears a certain resemblance to prison, too. Not that I would know! Definitely not, and anyone who says they were my roommate in prison is definitely lying. I can't believe how many people lie these days. It's very discouraging for truth-telling folks like myself, seriously. Next thing you know they are going to be making me pee in a cup. What? They didn't do that at your university? I suppose you didn't have bars on the windows, either? And why did I have to pick potatoes on the weekends wearing that funny jumpsuit? I am definitely going to stop writing checks to the alumni association, and I think I better have a chat with my dad.
Huh, better go to bed. They are calling lights out. What? That's normal, right? Good night!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Timmy Stackpole's name is on there, near the end. I didn't know him, of course. He was dead when I got there, just like all the rest of them. The firefighters I worked with were plenty pissed off in general, believe me, but they were EXTRA furious about Timmy. See, he had been badly burned a couple of years before and had gone through a long painful rehab process so he could go back to work instead of taking a medical retirement. He had recently come back to work, only to have a giant building crumble on top of him. So, yeah, they were all pretty hot.
My point? I don't really have one, I guess, and you know how much I hate that. I suppose just seeing his name made me think about it. Know what else I don't have? A good ending. Good night, my friends. I'll try to post some more about this place tomorrow.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
I'm going to do it, you guys. I'm going to get a phone that's smarter than me. Yeah, I know: not at all hard. WHATEVER. I am suspicious of technology; I always have been. It took me forever to get on facebook; remember that? My car doesn't open with a remote, and my home phone has a cord. Mine will work when the power's out; will yours? Hmmmmmm? I won't stand in front of the microwave and we have no cable. But sometimes, you just have to get with the program. I'm not getting anything fancy, of course, just the most basic model that has the death ray option. Or maybe that's an app? I'm not quite sure but you can bet I'm smart enough to figure it out, and quick. Oh yes, and guess what? My list of death rayees is scrawled on some junk mail from the utility company. I just scribbled out that obnoxious 'FINAL NOTICE' written in red across the front and then there was plenty of room, though I will admit I needed a second envelope from the fascists at the phone company for the last few low-value stragglers because my list is so long and distinguished. I used junk mail so no one will ever catch on. That's because Shane burns it all. He's kind of an addict. I wonder if there's a name for that? If I had a smart phone I could find out. Then, if he needs therapy I could send him on an airline trip! I totally should have called this 'Brilliant' instead of just 'Smart', don't you think? Well, that's enough of that. I think I might be about to get myself in some serious trouble. Always to be avoided, no matter how much fun it is. If you're smart. Which I am. Sometimes. Unless the death ray/pyromania is so awesome that it cancels out my good sense.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Shane just dumped a glass of water onto the backpack that holds all my clothes. I bet I know what you're thinking: what the hell? Are you CRAZY??? Yes, yes, I am. But come on, you know that. I almost feel like my friend Amanda (I can't link her from this stupid thing but she's over on the right under 'blogs I like'), who is well known far and wide for her love of embarking on last minute ill-advised trips. My mother used to ask me almost weekly what Amanda was up to now. I would tell her and she would laugh in disbelief.
Of course, I'm not Amanda crazy but I am wondering what the hell I'm doing here. And, you might ask, why are all my clothes in a backpack? Am I some kind of patchouli-smelling, Birkenstock-wearing, tangle-haired HIPPIE? No, because Lloyd is a stingy non-bag-fee-paying tightwad, that's why. Hey, I think I forgot the best part: I'M SO SICK I COULD DIE. In fact, it might be preferable.
What? It's Thanksgiving? Thankful, thankful..... This could take a while. No, I know. I'm kidding. I am very, very lucky and have much to be thankful for. You are also lucky, because I'm going to stop there and not get all gooshy on you. But damn, what I would not give to be in my warm bed with a book right now instead of smushed in this airplane seat with a sopping wet backpack. From 27A to your house, happy Thanksgiving, y'all!
Monday, November 21, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
*Or, yes, only lazy. Have it your way. Just call me BK!