Jennifer was Right About the Pot Smoking Mr. Rogers Goodwill

Geez, I hate it when she's right; it just makes her bossier next time. I gave the Edmonds Goodwill a thorough going over, and it definitely did not make my list of favorites. I would go there if I lived nearby but even Captain Kangaroo on LSD wouldn't make it worth the long trip. See the pants? I rest my case. Also, it was pretty small. One thing I did like was that the dressing room doors are unlocked so you don't have to get someone to let you in. I despise that about most Goodwills and have never understood why they are so concerned about shoplifting. It's not like they're going to go broke and have to report a loss to the shareholders if someone steals a $6.99 sweater. Or maybe they're concerned about Mr. Rogers toking up in there? I dunno, but it annoys the hell out of me.

They had a good selection of reading glasses, so I snapped up a couple of pairs. I go through those things pretty quickly and recently lost my last pair. They must be somewhere in my office, but I cleaned it up last week and didn't see them. I don't actually NEED reading glasses, you know, but I think they make me look smart. Well, okay, that's a lie. But I do find them to be multi-purpose, and pretty handy for meetings when I am trying to pretend I'm paying attention but am instead exchanging snarky messages with my equally inattentive friends.

And as if that's not enough excitement for one weekend, check out what my dad gave me in the most recent batch of junk he's cleaning out of his house:

I regret to report that my graduating class was quite large, and that the vote was nearly unanimous. My parents were as pleased and proud as you might imagine, though I note they DID save the thing.

That's the Sunday report, friends, I hope you all have a wonderful President's Day and a good week!

Orange

Orange you glad I'm posting today? Yuk, yuk. I had quite the exciting day, and I know you are DYING to hear all about it. It had its ups and downs, of course, but I'm just going to hit the ups. Well, that might be a lie. I will probably come back to some of the downs later, because let's face it, those are much more entertaining.

I went suitcase shopping today, at a store that sells unused goods. I had been looking at Goodwill for quite a while and didn't see what I wanted so I had to suck it up. Sometimes you can't have what you want, you know. Annoying beyond words, but true. I have had a luggage deficiency for quite a while, ever since Lloyd marked up my beloved LLBean rolling duffle bags. I snapped up two of those babies at the Osan thrift store. I don't think I posted about them when I found them because I thought y'all would be jealous. They look like this only they are covered in very loud orange flowers. They still work fine, it's just that Lloyd wrote on them in permanent marker for a NEO exercise. For those of you fortunate enough to not know what that means, it stands for non-combatant evacuation operations. While in Korea, all the spouses had to participate in NEO exercises every six months. We were required to pack up all our documents, evacuation gear, gas masks and etc. and present it for inspection and practice actually turning in our house and car keys and becoming refugees. You know, just in case the evil communist dictatorship a mere 60 miles to the north that might or might not possess a nuclear arsenal appeared to be a little more threatening than usual. Naturally, we all got hammered on margaritas first, so that worked out well. Lloyd, being helpful, wrote my name and NEO in big letters on the bags with a giant sharpie, and I have considered them ruined ever since. I might forgive him someday soon.

I recklessly purchased myself two new suitcases, and then went thrifting with my sister. I totally hit the jackpot, too. Among other things, ORANGE PANTS! Now, I love orange. You all know that, right? But I especially love orange pants and I haven't had any for a long time. Interestingly (to me!) my last pair is memorialized on Stories From Korea, from the day I bought them along with the most awesome coat ever, to the day they split right up the middle in the library. My new pants are quite fabulous but it probably wouldn't hurt me to run around the block a few times before I sport them at the office Christmas party. Oh hell, who am I kidding? As long as there is room in the pockets for my wine bag I'm golden.

Also today, for the first time in a long time, I was asked for breastfeeding advice. I'm a little rusty, since Shane gave up the boob earlier this year in exchange for a Nerf gun, but I did my best, and it made me remember with joy and pleasure the Osan BF support group days. While I was looking for my orange pants posts, I found this one with a nursing picture that I love. Wanna hear something funny? I was pretty hesitant to post that picture originally. Now I don't know why, it seems like so long ago, and who cares? It's hard to remember just how small that base is. I miss you all!

Huh, you know what? I have absolutely no desire to go into the downs. I'm off on another trip this week, so it might be a few days-have a great week! I love you guys.

Morning Madness

I know Helen is eagerly awaiting my upcoming post about why I love Public Works and diesel powered equipment, but that will have to wait for a while longer. Sorry, Helen, but here's a tantalizing hint: it's the closest you will ever get to pure, raw, unadulterated power, baby. The heavy rumble as the engines fire up, the...

Wait, where was I? Oh yeah: morning madness. As you might know, or guess, it's been quite an adjustment for all of us for me to get up and go to work every. single. day. But it's been going pretty well. The boys get up VERY early. They come in our room and shuffle around the bed for a while, and then we all get up. All except Lloyd, I mean- he is so super efficient that he doesn't need the entire morning to accomplish his chores so he stays in bed until I leave for work. The boys watch Underdog, I throw some toast at them and get ready to go, pretty much peacefully.

Today, though, we had a little snafu. The boys came into our room around 4:30, and then WENT BACK TO SLEEP. I don't know why they came in- I'm not home during the day so for all I know Lloyd puts them in hockey masks and makes them have chainsaw fights to entertain the neighbors in exchange for a little extra cash, giving them early morning nightmares. Not that the reason for this aberration matters one tiny bit, of course. I got up and killed a little time, made my lunch and had some extra coffee. That was nice and all, but eventually I had to get showered and dressed, and they STILL WEREN'T UP. This was pretty much unprecedented, and I had no idea what to do.

Decision time, people: do I go in, turn the lights on, shower and get dressed like normal, taking the risk that they'll wake up all grumpy and cross and I'll be late? Or do I creep in there quietly to get my clothes and then suffer the agony of getting ready without all my required supplies and equipment and have to get dressed in the kitchen? I went with the stealth route, hoping they would at least stay asleep until I slammed the door behind me and accidentally set off the alarm.

I took a shower in their grimy, toy-infested tub, and washed my hair with Target brand baby wash. I dried off with a pre-dampened Buzz Lightyear towel and brushed my teeth with a Hello Kitty toothbrush and Little Bear toothpaste. After that, nothing was left to do but get dressed.

Now, don't be too shocked, but I am actually pretty organized when it comes to work clothes. On Sunday afternoon, I pick out four or five outfits so I can just grab a pile each morning and not have to think about it any more. Unfortunately, when I snuck into the closet in the dark, narrowly avoiding getting beaned by a trash bag full of Christmas presents and my manual 35 mm camera with the broken flash shoe, I could not find the dark wash boot cut denims that went with the week's last pre-arranged set. I carefully backed out to pillage the clothes pile, only to be thwarted once again by Lloyd's laundry prowess. There was zilch, and I mean NOTHING, either dirty or clean.

I did the only thing I could do. I posted about it on Facebook. Then I belly crawled back into the dark, peril-ridden closet, grabbed the only pair of pants I could readily and quietly find, a slim cut black velveteen pair, and bolted out the door. Problem solved, you might think, right? That's what I thought, anyway, until I got a good look in the enormous, brightly illuminated full-length mirror in the office bathroom. The thing is, there are few outfits, if any, where a pair of denims can be appropriately replaced with velveteens. At least in my closet. To make matters worse, the replacement pants seemed to have some sort of static issue. They stuck to my boots and the absurdly mismatched jacket clung to the pants. As a result, both the pants and the jacket spent all day inching upwards, and I looked like I raided the closet of a fashion-challenged dwarf. Dopey, perhaps. Only dumpier, and without that snappy hat. I considered tucking the pants into the boots, but feared I would look like a badly-dressed dwarf on the way to ill-advised riding lessons.

And let's not even talk my face and hair and all the rest, okay? I've pretty much given up on makeup improving my appearance in any appreciable way, but let me just say that a comb and some deodorant would have been warmly welcomed, not only by me, but by everyone in my office, and perhaps some passersby on the sidewalk outside my window. I did feel a little better when I saw someone from another division wearing athletic socks with black pumps. I didn't even want to ask what his morning was like.

I don't think I've EVER been so happy to get home from work. I've spent all afternoon problem solving so this doesn't happen to me again. I have a solution involving drop caches, but it's going to require some fairly intensive shopping and there will probably be some logistical issues. Now, here's a couple of little things to cleanse your palate. For a REALLY funny and excellent story about missing pants, click here.

And, I have been in a class all week. Today one of the exercises included filling in an organizational chart for an incident response. Here are my entries:

Chief- Ben Derr

Safety Officer- Izzy Dedgette, assisted by I.C. Blood

Shelter Manager- Bill DeShack

Heavy Equipment Supervisor- Anita Phillip

And that's all I have to say about that.