Another Letter

I've trotted out another college-era letter. It's below in italics. It doesn't bother me that the letters written by random people ages ago are WAY more popular than my own original creative efforts. At all. Really. Not even the tiniest bit, so don't feel bad.

I have made minimal changes- just the names and I replaced a few letters with asterisks. The spelling and grammar errors are all intact. I think it gives it a more authentic feel, don't you? And, just so you know, the Dopey letter was also unedited. Despite his pot-smoking ways, Dopey made not a single mistake in any of his letters.

Dear Anna,

How are you doing? Today is Kelly's birthday. Yeah. Here's my new address:

Mega Polo Nu
Pullman, WA 99163

Well I'm meeting alot of guys for you. So I definetly think you should go here next semester. We could get a apartment because I'd like to be a live-out from the Polo's just to have a little more privacy. I'm going home tommorrow for surgery. I sure hope they don't put me in a cast. How's your finger? eh. Give me a call or write.

Classes here are really f***ing a** hard. It was funny I went over to Dylans house today to get some money they owe me and semester grades just came out today (I didn't get any grades because if you have 30 credits or more they don't send you grades) anyways Dylan, Brendan, Steve and Steve said Jake got below a 2.00 G.P.A. But when I asked Jake how classes were going he said he was getting 3-B's and 2-C's. I can't believe the guy would lie about that what a dick!!

Oh I wrote Beavis a letter tonight telling him about all the different good looking chicks I've been dating so when you write him you'll have to back up my story. My roomates are pretty cool there names are Millhouse and Bart. Bart is our school's mascot he's the Coug!!

Well, I'll talk to you later write me back. I want to come up and see you. I will if I stay over the weekend. Call me I'll be at home. This weekend or in the hospital.

Love your friend

Butthead

Dopey

So. I'm not quite sure where to start with this one. My mother has been hounding me FOREVER to go through some old junk I have at her house: letters, pictures and assorted detritus. I finally looked through it and was astounded at the letters from my freshman year of college. I must have been quite the little writer, because there are stacks of letters from tons of different people. The funny thing is that some of them I can barely remember knowing that well, like Dopey from the letter below. Also interesting to me is that I don't have contact with any of them and with a few exceptions, I have no idea how or where any of them ended up.

I chose the Dopey letter to post for its sheer entertainment value, more than for any deep insights. It does have its intriguing points, some of which I might dive into sometime, just for funsies. Maybe I'll get all introspective and boring on here, what do you think? I can write long and badly punctuated missives on all my innermost thoughts and feelings, doesn't that sound AWESOME?

I have fought off the urge to make a bunch of preemptive disclaimers in my own defense, like how I am not now, nor have I ever been,either a snob or a pot smoker. Oops, sorry! Couldn't help it. And also, it's sort of a lie. I was possibly a snob for a short time. But believe me when I say I have some other letters from Dopey that make him sound even WORSE. Like, so bad that I would have felt guilty posting them even though no one could possibly have any idea who this person is. Names have been changed to protect the complacent.

Dear Anna,

Now that Sneezy and his printer have moved out I have to hand write my letters. What a drag. Oh well, at least I have my own room now.

I did it: I smoked pot every day last quarter and got 4.0's in all my classes. Now I'm giving my body a much-needed rest from drugs. I'll abstain at least until my birthday (about a week) but even after that I won't smoke as much as last quarter- when you get high all the time your tolerance builds up and it costs too much to stay high.

Sleepy's life is progressing at its normal pace of misfortune: he is just one of those guys that lives a fast and free life. It's a choice he makes and every once in a while he gets caught and has to deal with the consequences. It's hard to decide if he lives an enviable life or not. Sure he has a lot of free time, money and fun; but let's see where he is in ten or twenty years.

It's too bad about your decision to go to WSU. What made you make that decision? Every time you go there or come back here you will have to make that long drive through desolate desert or over snow clad mountain passes. You will live in a depressing and small agricultural town with few distractions capable of entertaining your sophisticated mind. You really deserve better than WSU.

That's all for now.

Signed, Dopey

I really, really wish I knew what happened to Sleepy.