Monday, December 26, 2011

Holy Cat Yak

Happy Boxing Day! I had quite the adventure today, you guys will be so jealous! I don't even know where to start. We had the cousins over today and it was NUTS. I'm not exactly sure how this happened, but somehow it was agreed that my sister would drop off her charming children at my house and go shopping. Sounds pretty promising, right? I mean, what could go wrong? The kids LOVE to play together.

And, in fact, it did go along pretty swimmingly for quite a while. After about 11 million hours of providing free child care, though, Shane and Teddy announced that they had been cutting the curtains. Sure that they would NEVER actually be slicing up the drapes, I responded casually, and returned to sifting through the 73 pounds of debris I dumped out of my bags while looking for my missing work watch. They were a little too quiet for a little too long, so I went back over there and questioned them more thoroughly about this cutting the curtains thing. Sure enough, they had very efficiently snipped through the better part of two panels. A little annoying, sure, but the thing that really pisses me off is that after all that work they have neither play clothes for themselves nor an elegant gown for me to show for it. Clearly, they have not been watching enough television, which I started to remedy as soon as they got back from their time-outs for being such slackers.

All that scissor work apparently made them hungry, so I whomped up plates of color coordinated orange snacks: cheez-its, carrots and oranges. I looked for orange downers to crush up and sprinkle on top but I didn't have any and had to go with the standard white ones. While they were sitting there inhaling the goods, the cat yakked up on the living room floor. It had ribbon in it. I will have no more to say about that. Ever.

Then, Jennifer came back. I was so happy. Until she plopped herself down in front of my computer and continued shopping. She didn't even bring me any wine, my watch is still missing, and my sedatives are all gone. HELP ME.


Jennifer McNeely said...

HA! I was shopping for YOU, you know!! Still looking for that perfect tank top. As for the curtains, I think perhaps it is abstract...

Anonymous said...

I'd help, but I don't think my help would be very helpful. My helpful suggestion is to box the kids up and mail them to me. I've got plenty of space under the stairs.

Make sure to include glasses, fake lightning-shaped scars, and oversized clothes.