Wednesday, November 24, 2010


I'm pretty sure most of you guys know my policy on ironing: just say NO. In fact, I don't even own an iron. You can read some of my previous thoughts on ironing here and here, intermingled with general ridiculousness. Truly, I can't remember the last time I ironed something, or why. I have always been unbearably pretentious about it, too: Iron, me? Oh, no, certainly not. I don't iron, whoever would do that? So bourgeois! I have MUCH more valuable things to spend MY time on, but you just go ahead and do whatever suits you, you poor unenlightened thing.

Like all the other times I've been smug, it has come back to bite me on my wrinked ass. You know I have this new job thingy, right? And it was quite the trial acquiring a suitable work wardrobe after spending six years, one month and seven days lounging around eating bon-bons and sucking down wine being lovingly devoted to providing domestic bliss for my charming family for such a long glorious time. Different outfits are required, as you might imagine. Anyway, I just ran out of new and new-to-me clothes that didn't have to be washed first. Yeah, yeah, I know all about how you're supposed to wash the clothes first, but come on! You should all know by now that I'm lazy as hell so just shut up.

And, dammit if some of my clothes didn't come out of the dryer looking like they are in need of a good smoothing, even by my sub-standards. Now what do I do? Seriously, how do people LIVE like this?!?!? And really, it's not even my fault. Lloyd is ruthlessly efficient and he churns through the laundry like the tasmanian devil on speed. Trouble is, Taz seems to be a little color blind and unable to read labels, so the silk shell goes in with the Transformer underwear and the filthy jeans with nails in the pockets.

Oh, SWEET! I feel an epiphany coming on. It feels sort of like a piercing, stabbing pain in my temple, so it's definitely either another flash of brilliance or a brain tumor. You know how steam will get the wrinkles out? They even make little steaming gadgets just for that purpose, but you can also hang stuff in the bathroom with the shower on, which gave me my great idea for wrinkle removal AND time savings in the morning: I'm going to get dressed BEFORE I get in the shower! That way, I get a few extra minutes of sleep, I'm all fresh and perky for a day at the office, and the wrinkles in my clothes are steamed into submission. I'll let you know how it goes. I hope this one's a winner because otherwise I'm going to have to rescind Lloyd's laundry privileges and I definitely don't want to do that, because I've seen enough dirty Transformer underwear to last me a lifetime.

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