Tuesday, April 27, 2010


So. I'm not quite sure where to start with this one. My mother has been hounding me FOREVER to go through some old junk I have at her house: letters, pictures and assorted detritus. I finally looked through it and was astounded at the letters from my freshman year of college. I must have been quite the little writer, because there are stacks of letters from tons of different people. The funny thing is that some of them I can barely remember knowing that well, like Dopey from the letter below. Also interesting to me is that I don't have contact with any of them and with a few exceptions, I have no idea how or where any of them ended up.

I chose the Dopey letter to post for its sheer entertainment value, more than for any deep insights. It does have its intriguing points, some of which I might dive into sometime, just for funsies. Maybe I'll get all introspective and boring on here, what do you think? I can write long and badly punctuated missives on all my innermost thoughts and feelings, doesn't that sound AWESOME?

I have fought off the urge to make a bunch of preemptive disclaimers in my own defense, like how I am not now, nor have I ever been,either a snob or a pot smoker. Oops, sorry! Couldn't help it. And also, it's sort of a lie. I was possibly a snob for a short time. But believe me when I say I have some other letters from Dopey that make him sound even WORSE. Like, so bad that I would have felt guilty posting them even though no one could possibly have any idea who this person is. Names have been changed to protect the complacent.

Dear Anna,

Now that Sneezy and his printer have moved out I have to hand write my letters. What a drag. Oh well, at least I have my own room now.

I did it: I smoked pot every day last quarter and got 4.0's in all my classes. Now I'm giving my body a much-needed rest from drugs. I'll abstain at least until my birthday (about a week) but even after that I won't smoke as much as last quarter- when you get high all the time your tolerance builds up and it costs too much to stay high.

Sleepy's life is progressing at its normal pace of misfortune: he is just one of those guys that lives a fast and free life. It's a choice he makes and every once in a while he gets caught and has to deal with the consequences. It's hard to decide if he lives an enviable life or not. Sure he has a lot of free time, money and fun; but let's see where he is in ten or twenty years.

It's too bad about your decision to go to WSU. What made you make that decision? Every time you go there or come back here you will have to make that long drive through desolate desert or over snow clad mountain passes. You will live in a depressing and small agricultural town with few distractions capable of entertaining your sophisticated mind. You really deserve better than WSU.

That's all for now.

Signed, Dopey

I really, really wish I knew what happened to Sleepy.


Linwood Holton Elementary PTA said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Helen said...

It really is a mystery why you went to WSU, really. You clearly had excellent, meaningful connections with many people who didn't.

I'm feeling a little worried about being shoved aside for more interesting people and a few years down the road being used as blog fodder on your latest blog (LetterstoAnna.blogspot.com) for entertainment and referred to as "Hellion Notsomuch". Maybe I just need to unfriend you now....

Lauren said...

Well, I hope you're not referring to my badly constructed sentences about MY deep seated feelings. And, the letter, totally cool.

Jennifer McNeely said...

I have several ANNOYING emails that I got today from a co coworker, can I post those?
they are not so funny, just annoying, i guess. FIne line.

Janelle said...

more letters! more letters! that was fun!