You guys all know Lloyd is just the teeniest bit nuts, right? What, you thought I was the crazy one all this time? Oh, you naive, sheltered little BABIES!
First off, I hope the title doesn't give any of my Osan friends PTSD. If I NEVER hear the words 'MOPP 4, Alarm Black' again, it will be too soon.
So what zaniness is Lloyd up to now, you ask? Well, as we all know, Lloyd requires a LOT of action. Because he is not flying very often and he is so efficient in managing routine household tasks, he has way too much free time on his hands. He is quite resourceful and luckily for all of us, he mostly he uses his powers for good instead of evil. Except for the puppy, of course, but that's a topic for another day.
He spends a fair amount of time tinkering in the garage, doing who knows what. I stopped going in there when I saw that he had the corpse-stashing cooler staged by the big roll-up door along with a mop and some bleach. I had no idea what was up when he came out with a grave look on his face and an announcement to share. I thought maybe he had constructed a cold fusion device or isolated the gene that causes an incessant need for continuous frenzied activity.
But no, sadly, it was neither of those things. Instead he informed us we were about to have an earthquake exercise. If you don't live in an earthquake prone area, you might think this is a little wacko, but the Pacific Northwest is earthquake country and believe you me, I don't want to be stranded with no wine and Excedrin when the big one hits.
Lloyd doesn't mess around, people. He switched off the electricity and the water, fired up the generator and cooked us dinner on his eleventy jillion dollar four burner propane camp stove. He hooked up the lights, the television, the fridge and the computer to the generator. Then, while the kids were watching the 'Magic School Bus' episode about alternative energy sources with the kinetic energy powered Ferris Wheel, he hauled in water from his simulated rain barrel, heated it up on the stove and pumped it into the sink with a battery powered shower head (EVERYONE needs one of these, for real) to do the dishes in style. He took just a short break to enjoy some high quality reading material while lounging in front of the infamous painting and then it was back to the salt mines.
It was starting to get a little chilly after dinner, so he lit a fire and shoved the couch out of the way to build the sleeping area. After the boys mined the carpet under the couch for snacks, toys and books, we read some books and hit the sack, wind-up flashlights and radios close at hand for the inevitable aftershocks.
All in all, it was a rousing success, and you guys can just head on over when your house crumples into a pile and all you have to eat is slugs and grass. I know I hardly even need to mention this, but BRING WINE.