Monday, October 17, 2011

Dogs and Ninjas

This is Ranger.

Isn't he FANTASTIC? You might remember him from previous posts such as this one about Hurricane Ivan, or this one about a mentally ill chicken. He is staying with us for a little while because my dad is out of town. The boys love having him and play with him constantly. They've been hounding us for a dog for a while but so far we've been holding out. They have about a million stuffed dogs, all with names, and they act out elaborate games with them, for HOURS on end. After one of these games, Shane informed me that he needed a real metal sword, in case ninjas attack. I thought that was what dogs were for, but I guess not. He was also extremely ticked off when I told him he could not have his own lighter. I'm not sure if that would also be for the ninjas, or if he just really, really wants a lighter. It's sometimes hard to tell with that one.

Since they love dogs so much, we sometimes let them watch 'Old Yeller'. You probably know the film. It's cute and all, until the end when the beloved mutt gets rabies and has to be shot. Usually we stop it before the end, much like Phoebe's mother did (video clip), only last time Lloyd was asleep at the switch*. Now Weston doesn't want to go outside because he's afraid of rabid animals, and he's terrified Ranger is going to die. He made me google the world's oldest dogs, and you guys are not going to believe this: multiple dogs have lived to be almost 30 years old. Damn, that is a LONG time to have a dog, people. Not that I don't like dogs.

Ranger is great and we love having him here at the Dead Cat Dog Hotel. Only he sheds about a pomeranian every other day, and our vacuum cleaner is broken. The belt came off, probably because it has to suck up so many marbles, rubber bands, and pens. We ordered some new belts, but they're not here yet. I say belts with an 's' because I'm definitely not going to stop sucking up toys and office supplies any time soon and some spares will probably come in handy. We had company this weekend, too, and the shop-vac was still out of commission, so I was forced to improvise. I had a couple of ideas, but we had hidden all the lighters so that ruled out two or three of them, and I didn't want to run the leaf blower in the house because of the exhaust. In the end I just distracted our guests with copious amounts of ice cream and beer. They barely noticed when Ranger tried to hump their legs, and I'm sure the pillowy brown piles of dogshed in all the corners totally escaped their notice. Or maybe not, I don't care. I like beer and ice cream, too. In fact, I think I'm going to go have some right now. Thinking about all that dog hair makes me peckish.

As a parting gift, here is Shane, channeling his inner dog:

*After reading this, Lloyd informed me that he wasn't actually slacking off, he purposely let them watch to the end, because 'it was time'. So now it's time for him to clean the basement AND he's in charge of all dead dog and rabies questions from now until eternity.

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