In which I make excuses

So. Yeah. I KNOW! But now I'm back from 'vacation' and have a jillion posts swirling around in my head, which can't possibly end well, as we all know.

Some potential upcoming topics include: unsolicited diet tips and why my pants don't fit, how much hard work it is for me for Lloyd to find a job, what a pain in the ass it is never being able to find my favorite underwear because everything currently in my possession is strewn all over amongst 37 suitcases, how much I hate the state of Louisiana, how many beers are required each day to banish the trauma of lengthy visits with the relatives, why my two-year old can distinguish a canoe from a kayak at fifty feet but can't count to three, and a dip into the hellpool of my high school years.

As an aside, the only reason the high school hell is on the topic list is because my mother forced me to go through all my junk at her house and I found a bunch of old letters that are painful and hilarious at the same time. Some of them are from people I barely remember, so I don't even have anyone to taunt on Facebook. I might post them anonymously on here just because it seems so wasteful to recycle them where no one can appreciate them except some stupid trees that would otherwise get chopped down so teenagers can write more ridiculous letters to each other. Except for I suppose they don't really do that anymore, do they? I sort of wish I had the ones I wrote back, but it's probably better that I don't. The mortification factor is reduced that way. Oh no, now I have an idea! I'll post a few later on, and if you have something similar that you want to share, send it to me and I'll post it anonymously so we can all enjoy it without you or any of your former friends being humiliated.

Moving on, I just can't decide what to write about first, so I am overwhelmed, frustrated and confused. This may result in an increased beer requirement, which in turn makes my (bigger) pants not fit, which requires more beer. It's a vicious cycle, can't you see? HELP ME.