Sunday, October 10, 2010


You want marshmallows and tortillas for breakfast? Whatever. Here, have some whipped cream on it.

The cat just hacked up a hairball on the carpet? Whatever. Oh, now there's another one and he's headed for the clean laundry basket? Whatever.

Mouse poop under the car seat? Whatever.

Three thousand for a new transmission? And you won't be home for an extra three days? Whatever.

You want to hose the house down for an hour and a half? Whatever. Just shut the door next time, all right?

That stupid clown in North Korea is up to some more of his ridiculous bullshit? Whatever.

You want to watch Rescue Heroes fourteen times in a row? Whatever. In fact, make it eighteen and we'll just run it from breakfast to bedtime. Why are those things so damn short, anyway? Why can't someone just make a show that runs all day?

What? My wine box is empty? Now we have a SERIOUS problem; I will have to drag my ass to the store. What? Safeway is out of the Badger Mountain Organic four-bottle box that only costs eighteen bucks with my dad's club card number? Really, people, how much am I expected to endure?

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