Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Again, and etcetera

And....... here I am AGAIN! Ready for the daily report? I'll try to degrossify it a little bit for you squeamish folks. My wounded wrist appears to be significantly better; it's just a lightish purple today. It's still a little tender when I use my keyboard at work so I had to trim back my brilliant report writing, just a smidge. I like to pace myself, anyway, so that works out well. It better heal up quick, though, because we are moving our entire office soon. No one knows exactly how soon, but the lease for our current building is up.... sometime soon.

They are already practically abandoning the place and leaving it to the vermin. The lights that burn out don't get replaced anymore, for one thing, and the innards of the building are spilling out all over the place. Just today I saw a door hanging open that I'd never even noticed before, and there was a whole shower in there. It had a hose hanging from the shower head, and a heap of moldering fabric piled on the floor. The funny thing is, I had heard a rumor that there was a shower and I went looking for it one day, wondering about the feasibility of running at lunch. I couldn't find it, and I even checked the big building blueprint that hangs on the wall. Weird. That was a while ago, of course, when I was new. Because now I just go running if I want to and I don't care if I stink afterwards. I still don't know what that mildewy mound is, but I'm not going to think about it anymore. LALALALALALA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Our new place is smaller than the current one, and we have a lot of stuff. We do a lot of work, and have the giant stacks of files to prove it, along with manuals, policies, equipment and etc. LOTS of etcetera. So much, in fact, that we are under constant pressure to go paperless and rid ourselves of our voluminous etcetera. Trust me when I say that we have serious and eminently reasonable objections to this and put up fierce and so far, successful, resistance at every opportunity. Know what we don't have? Boxes. Know what else? A moving plan. Except the one that says: 'We are moving sometime soon. Very soon'. Guess what else we don't have: a place to move. The new space requires some construction before it's ready, and we are moving sometime soon, did I mention that? The soon-to-be office already has people in it, too, from a different division. They don't always fully appreciate us, nor our accoutrements and accessories, I am sorry to say. I'm pretty sure I know what's going to happen: We will have to move because our lease is up, sometime soon, and the new space won't be ready. We will be squatting in the hallways, filthy, with our clothes in disarray and our belongings in shopping carts, boxes and dollies, while our new, clean and neatly-dressed coworkers spit on us and hurl dimes at our heads. Now that I think about it, though, that's pretty much business as usual. Only this time, we're not going away.

Well, all for now- I have to go ice my wrist and down some motrin. I have to be prepared to defend myself and my shopping carts, you know. I only have one more thing to say. BRING IT ON, PEOPLE! You'll take my etcetera away from me when you pry it from my cold, dead hands, and not a second before. Even if I am floating down the hall, awash in spittle, contused by a million dimes. THEY CAN TAKE OUR LIVES BUT THEY WILL NEVER TAKE OUR ETCETERA!!!!!!!!!!!

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